


unsaid julie

by unsaidjulie (juggyjones)



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, Jukebox, Late Night Conversations, Love Confessions, Luke's Got It Bad, Mutual Pining, PALINA, Post-Canon, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:06:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26715724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juggyjones/pseuds/unsaidjulie
Summary: ‘Thanks,’ says Julie. ‘For not leaving me.’Luke’s arms wrap around her without thinking and he tugs her close, until he feels her pressed against his chest. Her hair is tickling his nose but he just breathes in its scent, all his fears and restrictions unravelling at the mere tickling of her breath on his neck.‘I’d never leave you, Julie. Not willingly. And even then, I’d fight my way to stay with you.’‘You already did,’ she whispers.— in which luke writes a song for julie in an effort to tell her how he feels.
Relationships: Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 58
Kudos: 671
Collections: Kelly's Picks





	unsaid julie

**Author's Note:**

> hi! welcome! this is a bad boy that was only supposed to be 2k long, believe it or not. there's a lot of pining and angst but it'll all pay off in the end, i promise. i absolutely adore writing from luke's perspective, so this also kind-of serves as a character study in terms of his feelings for julie, which was both incredibly hard and incredibly fun to write. i adore reggie with my whole heart and i truly resent the way he's treated as the "dumb one" by the fandom when he's shown on multiple occasions that he's emotionally intelligent, so that's what i incorporated into this.
> 
> shoutout to [liv](https://falseungodlyhours.tumblr.com) for proofreading this and suffering through my late-night typos so you guys wouldn't have to <3

‘What is this?’ 

Luke enters the room, and there’s a pen and his notebook with lyrics, open on a fresh, empty page, all laid out on the coffee table, even with some snacks in a bowl next to it. Alex and Reggie are standing on a side of the couch each, looking at him with a glint in their eyes that usually tells him at least one of them’s been up to no good. 

He crosses his arms on his chest, raising a single eyebrow. ‘So?’

‘This,’ says Reggie, spreading his arms, ‘is an intervention.’

‘What for?’

‘You, dumbass,’ Alex replies. He steps closer to Luke and points at the coffee table. ‘You’ve got everything you need for writing a song for Julie.’

‘I— What? Why would I write a song for Julie?’

The look Alex gives him holds the exact same emotion as an eyeroll and, to make it worse, Reggie tells him, ‘Dude, you’ve been moping around like a sack of wet spaghetti ever since the Orpheum concert.’

‘Please don’t say “wet spaghetti” ever again,’ the drummer says, sighing. ‘Luke, there’s no shame in having a crush.’

Finally, Luke lets his hands fall to his sides and he walks over to the couch, plopping down like he’s done so many times before – even twenty-five years ago. His eyes glance over the writing equipment in front of him, and he feels the familiar weight in his chest. 

His bandmates take a seat at each side of him. 

‘It’s not that simple,’ he says. ‘I can’t just write a song and— and have it all go away.’

Alex huffs. ‘Why does it need to go away?’

‘Because she’s alive. And I’m not. And at some point, we’re all going to disappear, and whatever happens between us… It won’t matter. She’ll move on, and I’ll… I’ll be gone.’

With his head now buried in his hands, Luke doesn’t see the boys’ reaction. The weight’s still there, even if it’s been lifted just the slightest bit by simply _acknowledging_ what’s been bothering him. 

Not like it does any good. The problem’s still there, loud and clear. 

Reggie pats him on the back. ‘Dude, what happened to living in the moment? To telling future to go screw itself and just doing whatever you want?’

‘Reggie’s got a point, Luke.’

Luke sighs. ‘I can’t be selfish about this. It’ll be easier for Julie if she doesn’t know about this.’

‘Okay,’ says Alex. ‘But isn’t it selfish to decide for her, too?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Dude, even I know what he means,’ Reggie groans. ‘What if she wants to spend the rest of your time with you? Even if you’re going to poof away?’

For a moment, Luke mulls over the words. Reggie’s right, and so is Alex – he doesn’t want to act like he can decide on Julie’s behalf, but he’s not sure what he wants. He’s not sure what would be selfish and what wouldn’t. He’s not sure of _anything._

His foot taps on the floor to the beat inside his head, and he finds himself chewing his nails. ‘I’ll… I’ll think about it.’

‘Great!’ Alex rises to his feet and a moment later, so does Reggie. ‘Well, we’ll leave you to it.’

‘Where are you—’ he begins, but they disappear before his very eyes. ‘Going.’

Alone, Luke sighs to himself, letting his body relax into the couch. His thoughts wander as he looks around, his eyes latching onto the chairs hanging from the ceiling. The sight draws a little smile out of him – he likes what Julie and her mum have done with the place. It’s nothing like the punk-rock vibe they were going for back in the ‘95, but still feels just as much like a home as it did then.

The piano is one of the first things they noticed that was different, back when they landed on the carpet in the middle of the studio. He recalls how odd it was, to see such an elegant instrument sitting in what he remembers being covered in very non-elegant bits and pieces of Sunset Curve. He hated it, in that moment, and for the few short moments that followed – it reminded him of the fact that this place no longer belonged to him and his friends, but someone else, decades from when it was his. 

Then Julie grew to like them, and Luke grew to like the piano. What it represented turned from something he hated into something he now cherishes, because it means Julie’s here. This isn’t just Sunset Curve anymore, with Bobby—Trevor—who stole their life’s work. This is Julie and the Phantoms, where everybody puts in equal amounts of effort, and where they have a _future_. 

As much of a future as ghosts can have. 

Luke shakes his head, hoping to get the thought out of it. This is exactly why Alex and Reggie thought they needed an intervention – whatever he’s thinking about, it leads to one place, and one place only. 

The fact that this can’t go on forever. 

Reluctantly, his hands take hold of the notebook. His fingers slide across the empty page, and he can almost feel the words growing inside them, waiting to be uncovered. 

If this is just a way to get these feelings out of him… Luke _needs_ this to work. He _needs_ to be able to look at Julie without feeling like the world revolves around the two of them, without feeling like a clown when she makes heart eyes at Nick. More than anything else, he needs to keep his attention on the crowd in front of them, not the beautiful and kind girl at his side. 

He looks around, half-expecting to see Julie walk into the studio, bright and cheerful with yet another story about her day. He loves listening to those – it makes him feel like he matters to her. He likes being the one she talks to about her daily life.

Luke sighs. The boys were right – it’s getting too much. 

He takes the pen and lets it slide across the page in tiny little doodles, and for once, he lets his mind travel to Julie without feeling any guilt about it. 

Not even a moment later, he writes the first line.

—

A week passes, and the notebook with the lyrics becomes Luke’s most treasured possession. There’s a few moments in which one of the boys or even Julie tries to go through it and snatches it out of their hands, coming up with some bullshit excuse. 

Everybody notices, obviously. Subtlety has never really been Luke’s thing. 

It’s a Monday morning when the boys decide to do the Intervention 2.0. Julie is at school and Luke is messing around on the guitar, trying to come up with a tune for the lyrics he and Julie came up with the evening before, huddled on the couch as if they were sharing a secret.

They materialise in the middle of the room, startling him so hard he nearly falls off the chair, but keeps the guitar safe and close to his chest. ‘What the _hell_ , guys!’

Reggie steps on top of the coffee table, crossing his arms with a stern look on his face. ‘Your attitude is bad, young man.’

‘Get off the table, Reginald,’ sighs Alex.

‘Shut up, _dad_.’

Luke puts the guitar on the piano, shaking his head at the two. ‘Is this another intervention?’

‘Kind of,’ Alex admits. He glances around the room, gaze lingering at the ajar door. ‘Look, you never told us how writing about your feelings for Julie went.’

‘It went fine. I did it. Things are cool now.’

Reggie jumps off the table, humming in disagreement. He rests his hand on Alex’s shoulder and pouts at Luke. ‘You’re being bitchy.’

‘ _You_ ’re being bitchy.’

‘No, you—’

‘ _Guys_!’ shouts Alex, stepping in between the two boys. He tilts his head towards the door. ‘We’ve got an audience.’

Luke looks over there and sure enough, Julie is standing in front of the now-open door, with a slightly confused smile on her face. Her hair’s plaited into two braids, with some strands sticking out from a long day at school, and she looks… 

Well. She can’t look anything but gorgeous if it’s Luke Patterson you’re asking.

‘Am I interrupting?’ she asks.

Luke lets go of Reggie, pats down his shirt as he chuckles lightly. ‘No, no, it’s just a band squabble.’

‘Ah. Okay. Feel free to continue, I need some entertainment.’ 

She sits down on the couch with her hands in her lap, and Luke figures that maybe he misread her attitude – maybe the cheerfulness was about seeing _them_ , instead of Julie just being her usual cheerful self. 

He doesn’t hesitate to slide over the coffee table and come to a halt just before he falls off, so he sits on it, legs crossed. ‘Did you have a bad day?’

‘No. I just didn’t get a lot of sleep yesterday.’ A smile begins to form in the corners of her lips, and Luke feels his face mirroring hers. ‘I couldn’t get our song out of my head. I made a few tweaks, wrote them all down, if you want to work on it.’

‘That sounds great! You want me on the guitar or just—’

‘Without it is fine, I’m still not sure about the melody.’

Luke nods, feeling his cheeks starting to ache from how wide they’re stretched. She’s looking at him like she understands exactly what’s going through his mind, and it only makes him more excited about sitting down at the piano, going through the changes she’s made to _their_ lyrics. This is the highlight of his day. 

Sometimes he feels like making music with Julie is what he’s living for, too, and then he remembers that he isn’t living at all. 

The thought is sombre enough for his smile to falter, so he clears his throat and looks at the boys. Alex and Reggie are standing next to the couch, and Luke can tell they’re being incredibly judgemental of him right now. 

‘You guys want in on the fun?’ he asks, then points at Reggie. ‘We could use a bass line to bring some flavour to the song.’

‘Um, sure!’

‘Actually,’ says Alex, his hand firm on the other boy’s shoulder, ‘Reggie and I told Willie we’d come by, so no can do, sorry.’

‘Aw, that’s a shame,’ Julie says. ‘You guys should come back in a couple of hours, then, maybe we’ll get started with the melody. You guys know we can’t do it without you.’

It’s true, and Luke’s really glad she said it. Alex and Reggie promise to not be away for too long, then poof away, no sign of them. 

Julie looks at Luke and frowns. ‘Get off my mum’s table.’

‘Got it.’

He jumps off of it with ease, and with some swag to it, and wants to yell at his own stupid teenage mind for being desperate for any kind of reaction out of the girl. 

The guitar’s still on the piano so he takes it and leans it against the wall, watching it with longing in his heart. Julie’s quick to join him at the piano table, already carrying a notebook and two pens, one for each of them. 

Julie looks at him with fire in her eyes, the way she gets every time when they’re about to have a songwriting session when she’s had a bad day. It’s like she’s glowing, too – her smile a little wider, eyes a little brighter, hair a little wilder. 

‘Ready to get this done?’ she asks. 

Luke just nods, because words don’t seem to reach him now. She gives him the pen he claimed as his own days into writing together, and he takes it with care. 

Here’s the thing – ever since the Orpheum concert, things have changed. They’re able to touch Julie, now – a fact which the other boys find extremely useful. Alex gives her hugs when he thinks she needs some, and Reggie loves to play pranks on her, materialising behind her back and touching her shoulder. 

Luke doesn’t do anything. He’s scared, mostly, and it’s an irrational fear he won’t even begin to explain to himself. Since the first time he wrapped his arms around her, felt her body against his chest, caressed her face… Every time he thinks of it, it seems unreal. Impossible. He’s scared of it slipping away and not being able to touch her anymore, or being unable to control himself because honest to god, he wants to feel her skin on his every passing minute. 

So he doesn’t do it. He doesn’t want to risk it. 

‘Luke?’ 

He snaps out of his daze, running a hand through his hair. ‘Sorry. What were you saying?’

Julie just shakes her head at him but it’s soft, and gentle, not disproving in the slightest. ‘You keep doing this— Zoning out, or whatever. Are you okay?’

‘Wow, Julie, you can’t just ask someone if they’re okay!’

She raises an eyebrow at him, lips curling into the faintest hint of amusement. ‘Luke.’

He sighs, putting down the pen. ‘I’m sorry. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.’

‘Talk to me, then. You know I’ll listen, no matter what it is.’

Luke nods, letting himself smile a little, despite the turmoil taking place inside him. Neither Alex nor Reggie know the song he wrote for Julie is as finished as they come, and he’s been ready to play it for her if given the right moment, but… the right moment always seems to slip through his fingertips. He never meant to play it for her in the first place, but after what the boys said to him, maybe leaving it out in the open would help him not feel so heavy anymore. 

He just doesn’t know what would be worse – Julie wanting to act on their feelings, or not. 

This is the part that keeps his hand from reaching for the guitar this time, too. Luke shakes his head, instead, and all he gives in return for her kindness is a shrug. ‘It’s nothing that matters, Jules. Don’t worry. I promise I am ready to hear your improvements.’

Julie’s eyes are wary of him for a long moment, but then her face relaxes and she begins to outline the improvements she made to their song, and everything about Luke’s problem seems to be forgotten. 

He’s not that lucky.

—

On Thursday, Luke decides that it’s now or never. Thursday is a sad day – it’s his mum’s birthday. He goes to his old house and watches as his parents reminisce about him, and he notices their tone has changed. It’s not as heartbroken anymore, because they don’t think their son died hating them. Whatever closure ‘ _Unsaid Emily’_ brought them, it’s enough to make things a little better for the Pattersons.

Knowing that his mum had to wait twenty-five years to find out her son loves her more than anyone in the world hurts his heart in ways he could never express. But it’s also making him realise that he never knows what’s going to happen. Back in the ‘95, he didn’t know he would die from eating a spoiled hot dog on the biggest night of his life. Right now, in 2020, he can’t know which day with Julie would be his last. 

Julie isn’t dumb – she knows something’s up. They’re both aware that there’s something between them that isn’t between anyone else, and Luke thinks that maybe, she’s going through the same thing he’s going through right now. 

He’s had ‘ _Unsaid Emily’_ already. He doesn’t want to have an _‘Unsaid Julie’,_ too.

When he comes back to the studio, the sun has already set. He knows Alex is off with Willie and Reggie is probably stalking Julie’s dad, so he figures the lights that are on inside must be Julie’s. 

Outside of the garage, the air is chill. Luke didn’t think ghosts can feel the temperature, and the only reason for the change would be the psychological chills, a consequence of fear eating him alive as he prepares for what he’s about to do. 

Luke and the others usually materialise inside the studio. This time, Luke takes his time entering, so he focuses his energy on opening the door. It’s all worth it when Julie’s eyes fall on him and her face is stretched into a smile so intense that it gets through even to his fear. 

‘Hey,’ she greets, giving him a little wave from the couch. ‘Where’ve you been the whole day?’

‘I went home,’ he tells her, hearing the door _click!_ behind him. ‘I— I figured Alex would tell you. It’s my mum’s birthday.’

‘Do you want to talk about it?’

He shakes his head, glancing away from her – he can’t stand the look in her eyes, the one that’s showing how much she cares about him. Not right now. 

Instead, Luke goes over behind the piano and picks up his guitar, throwing the strap over his head. He plugs it into the speaker and his fingers brush over the strings, checking if they’re tuned-in, despite the fact that he hasn’t needed to tune the six-string in a while. 

Without looking at Julie, he says, ‘I came up with something new the other day.’ 

Julie rises from the couch and starts to make her way to him, and he can tell even by the light sound of her steps that she’s noticed the change in his demeanour. 

They never do it this way. Coming up with a great melody or a lyric they want to show each other is always something _great_ , something they’re bustling with, unable to hold still until the other one has seen what they’ve got. Luke would shout, _hey Julie, check this out_ , and she would say, _I keep thinking about the melody and I know you’ll love this line_ , or Luke would go, _I don’t think I’ve ever come up with anything so perfect for your vocal range_ , and sometimes Julie would tell him _can you follow this melody on the guitar?_ and they would come up with something amazing. 

It’s always about _them_ – about creating, _together_. It’s always about sharing something so intrinsically theirs that they can’t even think of it without thinking of the other person, too. 

So when Julie sits at the piano bench with her fingers still in her lap, eyes fixed on Luke and his guitar, there’s a barrier between them that hasn’t been there ever since they sang ‘ _Bright’_ in her kitchen.

Luke sighs, and his fingers find their home on the strings. He plays only the first half of the first verse, switching between the four main chords, but his right hand strums with more grace and care than it usually would. The melody is soft and gentle, closer to ‘ _Unsaid Emily’_ than to any of their other songs, but it’s different. 

More than anything, it’s meant for Julie’s voice to accompany it.

The sound lingers for a little and Luke lets out a shaky breath. His eyes rise, glancing at the girl in front of him, and he’s surprised to see her smile with something he doesn’t often see in her eyes. 

‘It’s beautiful, Luke.’

He nods, chuckling lightly. ‘Thanks.’ 

She raises the piano cover. ‘I think the piano would go really well with this, so…’

Julie’s fingers fly across the keys and the melody is a version of Luke’s, only with a gentler, deeper touch. She finishes the four chords but her fingers keep playing the same sequence and when his eyes meet hers, she nods at him. 

The melody plays itself from Luke’s guitar, or so it seems, because he’s hardly even aware of the fact that he’s playing at that very moment. What they’re creating is something ethereal, something so intangible, something Luke couldn’t even _hope_ to put into words. 

Finally, a true, honest smile graces his face, and he can’t relax into it as he continues to play through the verse. He reaches the chorus, too, and shifts to a more upbeat sound that Julie adapts to with ease, and the bridge has him playing a guitar solo that she follows with a short, high piano solo of her own, and before he knows it, the song’s over.

Both of them are standing still, looking at each other with smiles on their lips. He taps the neck of the guitar, letting a few random notes play out. 

‘That’s a really good song,’ says Julie. Her fingers are brushing over the piano keys, not pressing any, just lightly enough to feel them. She tears her eyes from him and he can almost feel the loss. 

Luke’s knee bounces in place and he fights the urge to bite at his nails. He’s still playing a few notes here and there, but his head isn’t into it – he can’t stop thinking about playing his song with Julie. 

The reason he hadn’t played it for her before, especially not in its full, lyrical version, was because he’d felt like something was missing. He should’ve known it was Julie herself. 

It makes sense. The song isn’t _for_ Julie – it’s _about_ what they have.

Julie plays the melody again, with a different variation this time. ‘Second verse could go something like this.’ She presses down a few keys and hums a tune, different than Luke imagined, but still flowing perfectly with what he’d had in mind for his version. ‘And when we hit the second verse, you could go like…’ She hums again, tries out a few different tunes, and settles for one. ‘How’s that sound?’

Luke just stares at her. ‘Julie, I…’ He takes a deep breath and shakes his head, hands finally stilling on the guitar. She’s looking at him with those big brown eyes, waiting for him to finish, and he can’t find it in himself to keep the truth away anymore. ‘I wrote the entire song. I’ve got the lyrics, too.’

‘Okay…? What’s the problem, then?’

‘I just… I’ll just play it for you.’

His fingers shake a little when he starts to play, aware of Julie’s eyes on him far more than he was before. He plays the intro this time, a solo that he’s combined from a few songs they’ve made together, and he wonders if she’s noticed. When he gets to the verse, his voice trembles as words fall from his lips. 

He wants to look away from her, but he can’t. This isn’t just about the song – it’s about everything they’ve done _together_ and he doesn’t think it’ll come off this way unless he shows her. 

The chorus comes and goes, different now when his voice is there to accompany it, and he’s okay until he gets to the bridge, where he’s always pictured Julie coming in and singing it with him, like she did when they sang ‘ _Bright’_ together for the first time.

He gets through it, anyway. And when the final chords come and go, his soul feels lighter, and he knows there’s no coming back from this. 

The silence that falls between him and Julie is deafening. Her eyes are still focused on him, but her lips aren’t smiling anymore – they’re parted in this unaware, distant way that they were when he’d called the tension between them an “interesting little relationship” they have.

Luke clears his throat. He takes the strap off his neck and places the guitar on his lap, holding onto it like a lifeline. 

‘Luke…’ begins Julie, but her voice fades away. 

Even when he thought about this moment, it always seemed scary. Somehow, it’s even more terrifying now that it’s actually happening. 

At last, he raises his chin to look at her, even if she isn’t looking at him anymore. ‘Can I tell you something?’

Julie nods, and he taps his fingers against the guitar, wishing for at least some noise to block out this silence. Words take shape in his brain, but none come out – Luke’s as good as tongue-tied.

Soft sigh falls from his lips. ‘I don’t know how much time I’ve got here. I don’t know if tomorrow you’ll wake up and I’ll be gone.’

‘Luke—’

‘No,’ he cuts her off, biting the inside of his cheeks. The words are starting to pour out and he’s only going to let them see the light of day once. ‘Look, Julie… I spent twenty-five years regretting never messing up with my mum. Regretting every single word I never said to her.’

Julie nods. Her eyes are starting to look a little glassy, a little teary, and Luke recalls the moment they shared in his old house, with his parents reading ‘ _Unsaid Emily’._ The memory hitches a breath in his throat, and he has to cough it out before continuing. 

‘I can’t have it happen again, okay? I can’t live, or whatever it is that I’m doing right now, I can’t do it without knowing that I haven’t missed a chance to let people know I care.’ He pauses, trying to gauge a reaction from Julie, but she’s completely still – waiting for him to finish. It makes his heart sink a little, but his fingers continue to tap the beat of the song on the body of the guitar, and he pushes through. 

‘What you and I have, it’s… It’s something I’ve never had, Julie. I’ve never had this connection with _anybody_. But it’s more than that, okay? I had to write a song because I couldn’t figure it out, I couldn’t figure out why I felt this way, and I need you to—’ His voice cracks. ‘I don’t want to disappear from your life without you knowing how much you mean to me. I won’t ever get a chance to tell my mum I love her. I don’t want to make the same mistake with you.’

Luke opens his mouth to say something else, but nothing comes out. He’s said all that needed to be said, sang all there was to sing. 

Time passes, but neither of them move. He can hear wind rustling in the distance and footsteps—probably one of the Molinas’—walking into the house, the front door opening and closing. 

Julie being quiet scares him more than he’d admit. Her eyes are trained on the piano and she looks as if she’s about to either burst into tears or into a song, fingers flying across the piano keys with precision. Instead, all she does is keep her hands still in her lap, legs crossed at the ankles, hair as wild as it always is when she comes home from a long day at school. 

He wants an answer but he doesn’t know what he wants it to be. 

When she finally looks up at him, Luke realises her cheeks are glistening, her eyelashes dark and heavy, eyes filled with pain. 

‘I’m sorry,’ he breathes out. His heart skips a beat when she gives him the slightest shake of head. 

‘Don’t you even _think_ about leaving me anytime soon, Luke Patterson.’

His face freezes until he sees the smile in the corners of her lips, soft and gentle, blossoming quietly. He lets out a shaky breath and feels his ribs vibrate as if charged. ‘Alright, Jules. I’ll stay as long as I can.’

She nods at him. He can tell that there’s more going on in her head than she’s showing, but he respects her need to not do anything about it (even though he just wants… an answer. That’s all.)

Julie ends up sighing, tugging at one of her curls. ‘I don’t want to seem rude, or anything, I just… Today’s been a long day. A lot happened.’

‘Yeah, no, I get that, don’t worry. I just wanted you to know.’

The smile she gives him is kind. ‘Thanks.’

‘Don’t worry about it.’

Luke watches her rise from the piano bench with a slight shake to her legs, and they make the smallest of talks before she checks out for the night, telling him to let Reggie and Alex know she’s saying hi. 

He doesn’t want to think about the awkwardness – he pushes it away, pretends it’s not there, and it works enough to get him through the moments until she closes the studio door on her way out. 

‘Dammit!’ 

With a grunt, he leans the guitar against the wall, hands rubbing the edges of his beanie. This wasn’t supposed to happen – she wasn’t supposed to just… get up and leave. 

His mind’s a mess. 

This whole thing is a mess. 

Luke sits down on the couch, remembering all the nights he’d spent on it, wondering how it would feel to be able to tell his mum the truth, and he realises that not much has changed since then. 

Luke Patterson scares people away. He loves them too little or too much, but never the right amount. 

—

He’s only alone for about an hour until Reggie materialises in the back of the studio, half-way to his way to the shower when he spots Luke, lying on the couch, in the dark. 

‘Whoa, why’s it so dark in here? Was there a power cut?’

Luke sighs, waving a hand even though he’s not sure Reggie can see it. ‘I turned the light off.’

‘Why’d you do that?’

‘Why do people turn lights off, Reg?’

There’s a moment of silence – Reggie is either trying to come up with an answer to Luke’s question, or he’s realised that whatever he says won’t be Luke’s reason for sitting around in the dark. 

The main light comes on and Luke yelps, shielding his eyes. ‘Why’d you do that?!’

‘Being in the dark sucks,’ Reggie says, sitting down next to him. ‘Don’t you remember the twenty-five years we spent in a really dark room and Alex cried the whole time?’

Luke sighs. ‘Thanks for reminding me.’

‘You’re welcome. Anyway, what’s up?’ 

Despite everything, he can’t find it in him to tell Reggie what’s happening. If he says it out loud, it’ll become as real as anything else. To pour his heart out like never before, like he regretted not having done once already, only to be made to walk away without a resolution. 

The agony in his heart will be on full display for others to see. 

A soft sigh comes from his side, and he looks only to see Reggie with his mouth half-open, eyes understanding. ‘You sang the song to Julie.’

Luke’s head falls back and he’s lying on the couch, staring at the chairs hung from the ceiling, wishing it was stars instead. 

(But not too hard. They still stay in the same room, because this is where he belongs.)

Reggie doesn’t ask for confirmation, and Luke figures that they all kind of realised that there must’ve been a finalised song. Connecting the dots isn’t hard. ‘What did she say?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Nothing?’

‘Not to the song, anyway,’ Luke elaborates. He takes off the beanie, twirling it around his index finger. ‘She didn’t react, I think. She said she had a long day or whatever.’

Reggie chuckles loudly. ‘Yeah, as if it’s _whatever_. She really didn’t say anything else? That doesn’t seem like Julie.’

A memory replays in Luke’s head – Julie looking him straight in the eye, with those curls framing her face, and the gap between her front teeth on show as she smiles. He sees her lips forming the words but they sound like an echo in his head, because he’s played them out over and over again to the point where they don’t even seem like they were real anymore. 

‘ _Don’t you think about leaving me anytime soon, Luke Patterson.’_

So he tells Reggie about that. His friend shoots his hand in the air and cheers, before shaking his head at Luke and pushing him lightly. ‘Dude, _wow_. You put her on the spot. That’s your answer.’

Luke stares at the boy with a wrinkle between his brows, pushing himself off the couch. It’s easier to ground himself when he feels the floor underneath his feet. ‘What? That’s not an answer, Reggie!’

Instead of picking up the fight Luke’s offering, Reggie just sighs and clasps his hands in his lap. ‘Imagine you’re having feelings for this girl, but it’s _very_ complicated, and you’re trying to figure out what’s happening.’

There’s a pause, so Luke nods. 

‘‘Aight. So, you got this girl, and then randomly, she sings you a song about all her feelings for you, without any warning except acting a little weird beforehand. How would you feel?’

‘I’d be happy,’ deadpans Luke. ‘It means she feels the same.’

But Reggie’s eyebrow shoots up and his hands are crossed on his chest now, and he looks so much like Judgemental Alex that Luke nearly loses it. 

His thoughts wander back to the moment he finished the song, and how Julie’s face was in a state of some kind of blissful shock. Sure, she smiled afterwards, and he thought things were heading somewhere, but that wasn’t the case. 

Luke tries to put himself in her position, because that’s what Reggie seems to want from him. He imagines Julie being the one serenading him out of nowhere – _really_ tries to picture that. 

And the thing is, Luke _knows_ how he feels towards Julie. He remembers how his heart skips a beat every time they make eye contact while playing a song, or how much he adores her excited yelps when they figure out a part in a new song, or adapt an old one. He knows all of these things by heart, but if Julie came to him and sang him a song about him, he doesn’t think he’d know how to process it. 

He’d probably need a moment to himself, too. 

And so Luke groans again, throwing his beanie at the dart board because all the darts are already on it. 

‘ _Damn_ , what conclusion did _you_ come to?!’

The glare Luke throws in his friend’s direction is probably a little too much, but everything is a little too much today. ‘She’s probably just freaking out because I put her on the spot.’

He walks over to the darts and pulls them out one by one, before creating some distance between himself and the board while Reggie mulls over his words.

‘…right. But that means she likes you, dude. Which is a _good_ thing, remember?’

‘Yeah, I know.’ He throws a dart, and it hits the double 17. 

Reggie poofs next to him, bumping shoulders. ‘Shouldn’t you be happy about that?’

Another dart. This one hits a 20, and he grunts. ‘I probably pushed her away. By being too upfront, you know.’

‘Nah,’ says Reggie and when Luke glances over, he’s giving him the infamous half-grin. ‘It’s Julie. And the chemistry you guys have… It’s not _nothing,_ that’s for sure.’

‘Right. What do you suggest I do about that, then?’

‘You? Nothing. She’ll come around.’

Luke turns to Reggie with his hands on his hips, jaw clenched. ‘Reggie, are you telling me that I just have to _wait?’_

‘Well, yeah.’ He frowns, looks away, then adds, ‘I _think_.’

The guitarist throws the last dart at the board. It lands in the centre, but Luke can’t even celebrate that there’s _one_ good thing going on right now, because all the other things are stressing him out too much. 

_Is this how Alex feels?_

Something clicks for Reggie and he changes the topic, telling Luke all about the day he spent at work with Ray, and all about the newest technological advances and societal differences. Luke’s half-listening, but the half is almost enough to keep his mind from running all over the place. 

Emphasis on _almost_. 

Reggie’s in the middle of describing whatever “Airpods” are when Luke wishes to be somewhere else. It’s not really intentional, but he’s not entirely surprised, either, when he blinks and the interior of the studio is replaced with the girliness of Julie’s room. 

He’s at the window, standing with his back to the studio, and he gets lucky that Julie is on her bed, facing the same way, and she can’t see him. 

He sees her unruly curls ready for bed and her cute pyjamas, her duvet shifted to the side so she could rest her arm on it and then prop her head on his hand. He sees her holding the phone, and he sees Flynn on the screen, and that’s when his heart drops to his feet. 

Reggie was right – Luke’s not supposed to be here. 

Before either of the girls notice, he wishes himself to be back in the garage and, when he opens his eyes, that’s where he is. 

With Reggie sitting on the couch, just where he left him. 

‘Well hello there,’ Reggie says. ‘You went to see Julie?’

‘Yeah.’

‘And?’

‘Shouldn’t have done it.’

Luke walks over to the corner where all their instruments are huddled and brings out the cajón just to sit on it. His fingers go to the front of the instrument, tapping lightly enough for the beat to be almost inaudible. 

Reggie joins him in the instrument area without hesitation. He picks up his bass, staring at Luke’s hands for less than a second before his own start to slide across his instrument, enhancing Luke’s very basic drumming. 

‘Guitar’s not good enough for you anymore?’

Luke rolls his eyes. ‘I’m just trying out something new.’

The bass line takes over the drumming as the main line, and Luke feels a little better when he sees one of his best friends enjoying himself. Reggie pulls the next of the bass into the air, leaning back, and Luke starts to hum a melody, his beat somewhat consistent. 

‘That’s the Luke I know!’

Reggie winks at him and Luke laughs, humming even louder, throwing in a phrase or two. They’re missing their drummer and their lead singer, but this isn’t about creating music – it’s about not thinking about Julie. 

Which is quite ironic, because about half an hour later, Reggie’s bass shrieks when he glances at the main door. 

‘What the hell, man?’

Instead of replying to Luke, the boy grins at the door. ‘Hey, Julie. Thought you’d be asleep by now.’

‘How could I be asleep when you two are keeping the entire neighbourhood up?’

At the entrance into the studio, Julie is standing with her head leaning against the door, and a small smile dancing on her lips. She’s wearing the same pyjamas she was wearing when he went up to her room, only now she’s accessorised it with a pair of huge slippers – Luke thinks they might be dinosaurs.

She doesn’t look too angry about them playing, so Luke figures she just used it as a conversation starter (and _maybe_ to scold them just a bit).

He gives her a smile. ‘We thought the neighbourhood needed a little lullaby.’

‘A rock lullaby?’ Her eyes drop to what he’s sitting on and she laughs a little, shaking her head. ‘With _you_ on the cajón. Since when do you play?’

‘It’s not my first time, okay.’

‘It’s his second.’

‘Reggie!’

The boy just looks at him, shoulders high and a confused grin on his face. ‘What?’

Luke bumps him on the shoulder and Reggie yelps, holding the spot where he’d been punched, even if it wasn’t supposed to hurt. He takes a step back and begins to fiddle with his bass again, low enough that it’s nothing more than background music. He gives Luke a hurt glance before turning away. 

Still at the door, Julie isn’t doesn’t have a smile on her face anymore. Luke can see its remnants in her eyes, soft as she looks at the two of them – or, really, at him. 

Luke throws the guitar strap over his neck, putting the guitar on its place against the wall. He feels an itch in his fingers so he fiddles with his hands as his legs, mindlessly, take him not far from the front door. 

‘You okay?’ he asks. 

Julie nods. Her hands are still crossed on her chest and she’s letting the door support her body weight. ‘Why are you playing at two in the morning?’

‘Is it that late?’

‘Mhm. Dad and Carlos are asleep, but you guys are quite loud.’ 

‘Sorry,’ Luke says, honestly. He pushes his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, letting his head fall. His feet bounce one against another. ‘We won’t do it again. We just felt like playing again.’

There’s a pregnant pause and it makes him look back up at Julie. Her lips are slightly parted, as if she’s about to say something, and he knows they both feel like there’s something hanging between them – words that are aching to be said. 

Reggie’s bass is still keeping the room from falling into complete silence. There’s sounds from the street, too – cars passing and honking in the distance, someone’s music playing quietly, someone chatting away. Luke feels the breeze, too, even if that’s not the cause of his shivers. 

Julie’s eyes drill into his as if there’s an answer they’re seeking. ‘You okay?’

_No_ , Luke thinks. Instead of telling her the truth, he chuckles. ‘What’s up, Jules? Are you really here to tell us off?’

There’s the tiniest of movements on Julie’s face – for a moment, her eyebrows go lower, until they’re back in their normal state, and any disagreement with Luke’s answer is gone. She shifts her weight and pushes herself off the door, absentmindedly tugging at one of her curls. 

The wind ruffles the rest of her hair, pushing it just over her shoulder. ‘Kind of,’ she says, and her face relaxes into a sheepish smile. ‘I also wanted to talk to you.’

There – at last. Luke’s breath hitches in his throat and time seems to stop for a long moment until he lets it out, and nods. ‘Reggie won’t mind.’

Julie arches an eyebrow at him. ‘Reggie’s gone.’

Luke turns in the spot and, true to her words, his bandmate seems to have disappeared in the midst of their conversation, and he didn’t even notice. Seems like Reggie had known where the conversation was headed even before Luke did.

They end up at the piano. Luke would find it an odd place for having a serious conversation if he didn’t know how much this place means to not only Julie, but him, too. Her fingers brush over the piano keys just like earlier today, and her breathing softens. 

‘I went to your room earlier,’ Luke says, quietly. His fingers are on his lap, stiller than ever before, and even his feet don’t seem to move to a beat inside his own head. ‘I wanted to talk to you, but then I realised that it’s a bad idea. I was there for, like, maybe a second. Not even that long.’

Julie isn’t looking at him. She is playing a melody he doesn’t recognise, but it fits her – it’s as lovely as she is. ‘I thought I saw you in the corner of the screen, but I wasn’t sure.’

‘Yeah. Sorry about that. I realised I shouldn’t have done that as soon as I did it.’

The girl lets out a little chuckle and Luke releases a breath he didn’t even realise he was holding. Relief washed over him, too. It doesn’t seem like Julie’s holding anything against him. 

When she brings her eyes to meet his, his toes begin to tap in sync with his heartbeat. 

‘I’m sorry about earlier, too,’ she says. ‘The song’s really good, by the way. I don’t think I said that to you. We could make something out of it.’

Luke hesitates. ‘It’s… It’s not a song I’d play for just _anyone_.’

There’s a pause, and then Julie nods. He’s not completely certain because the lights inside the studio are dimmed, but he thinks she might’ve blushed. 

‘Right. Makes sense. Not all songs are for everybody.’

The understanding in Julie’s voice brings a smile to his face. He thinks fondly of the first time he ever heard her sing – she sang the song her mum wrote her, in a voice unlike any he’d ever heard before. It was a lot like hearing an angel give him purpose, really. Something inside him clicked – told him that he may never know why any of them came back as ghosts, but that they’ve got a chance to do _something._

It wasn’t the moment he fell in love with Julie Molina, but it sure wasn’t far from it. 

‘You don’t have to apologise about earlier,’ he tells her. ‘I get that it was a lot. I was just— I’m scared of leaving, Julie. I’m here now, but nobody can tell me I’ll be here tomorrow. None of us understands the rules of being ghosts and it’s absolutely _terrifying._ All I wanted was to not even have the option of leaving without you knowing how I feel.’

The music ends quietly, and Luke’s wondering where it had gone until he feels Julie’s warm hand on top of his, soft and gentle and unsure, until his thumb brushes hers. 

‘This,’ she says quietly, ‘this is why I was scared.’

Luke unwraps his hand out of hers and holds her hand instead, feeling her heartbeat underneath the skin of his palm as if it were his own. _So this is what it feels like,_ he thinks. The space around them seems to be lighter, brighter, clearer, _everything._ He’s brought back to the first moment they touched, when she leapt into his arms and he caught her, holding her tighter than he’d ever held anything else. 

If this is what touching Julie feels like, he doesn’t ever want to give up on it. 

His hand twitches; his instincts tell him to run. He’ll hurt her if he disappears – he’ll give her promises he can’t keep. 

‘Thanks,’ says Julie. ‘For not leaving me.’

Luke’s arms wrap around her without thinking and he tugs her close, until he feels her pressed against his chest. Her hair is tickling his nose but he just breathes in its scent, all his fears and restrictions unraveling at the mere tickling of her breath on his neck. 

‘I’d never leave you, Julie. Not willingly. And even then, I’d fight my way to stay with you.’

‘You already did,’ she whispers.

If that’s a tear on his cheek, he doesn’t wipe it away. 

‘When Mum died, there was so much I didn’t get to tell her, and I’ll never get to.’ Julie’s voice has got the slightest tremor to it, and it’s clear enough that she must’ve rehearsed it. Luke finds it only fair – he’d rehearsed his song, too. ‘That moment with you, in here, it was all too much. I started thinking about losing you, too, and for a moment, I lost myself in all of it.’

His hand squeezes hers, offering support, and his heart is elated when she squeezes right back. Her voice might be unwavering, but her hand is growing hotter with each passing moment, and the air around them seems to be getting thicker. Luke stares at her even if she’s looking at the piano, too scared to look at him. 

He’s been there, not even hours before. This is why he doesn’t freak out when she takes a breather and creates space between them. 

She leans into him, eventually, resting her head on his shoulder. She does it without hesitation, without a barrier between them, without thinking, and it sends Luke’s heart soaring. His hand travels to the bottom of her back, slightly to the side, grounding her into him.

‘I spent weeks thinking there was something wrong with me,’ she says quietly. Their hands are still interlinked and she’s playing with them, tracing his veins with her other hand. ‘We could touch each other now, but it felt like you stayed even further away from me than when we couldn’t. Alex and Reggie don’t have a problem high-fiving me, bumping into me, things like that, but you’re always so…careful.’

This pause is different and Luke’s certain she can feel his chest fall as he exhales. He closes his eyes, lets his eyelids flutter, focusing on nothing other than the feeling of her palm against his own, her forehead touching his neck. 

His lips part and he breathes in and he’s about to speak when Julie lets out a light chuckle, giving his hand a squeeze. ‘I get it now. You were scared of telling me how you feel because you didn’t want to hurt me. In case you disappear. So I wouldn’t lose someone else, after Mum. And, before you say anything, Luke… That’s why I ran. That’s what I was afraid of, too.’

There’s a long moment in which neither of them speaks. Luke’s hand travels upwards until his fingertips are met with the ends of her hair, and he freezes when he realises that he should’ve asked first, but Julie seems so relaxed and at ease that he doesn’t think she minds. 

He mulls her words over and over again, until they sound almost like a song; almost like as much of a confession as his own was. 

And then he realises— _was,_ she said, not _am._ She _was_ afraid of it. 

‘You’re not afraid of it anymore?’ 

Julie nestles closer to him; he feels her shake her head. ‘No. I can’t keep being afraid of things. I won’t have much of a life that way.’

He nods to himself and tilts his head until his chin finds its place atop of Julie’s head. 

They’ve never been this close – Luke has never let himself be this openly close with her. He knows he was both very right and very wrong to do so, but he doesn’t dwell on it. He just wishes he could keep holding her forever, and that maybe they didn’t have to face the rest of the world, either. 

‘That’s what Reggie said, actually,’ Luke says, chuckling to himself. ‘He asked me what happened to living in the moment.’ 

‘Nice to know that Reggie remembered that you have an entire song about it, too,’ she offers, and he feels laughter sending waves through her body. ‘’ _Now or Never’,_ remember?’

‘Oh. Yeah, you’re right. I did forget. It’s not like the last time we sang it was, like, twenty-five years ago.’

Julie playfully bumps him on the chest and he squeezes her closer, until they almost fall off the piano bench. Luke steadies them, though, but they still end up face-to-face, inches apart. 

His gaze flickers to her lips. He can’t help it. 

They’re close enough that he can feel her breath, and she smells like mint, because she must’ve been in bed before coming to the studio. For a split second, Luke wonders what his breath smells like – he just hopes it isn’t rotten hot dogs, or death, as if those two aren’t synonymous. 

His mind wanders from the moment because this is a habit – this is how he’s prevented _this_ happening sooner. 

When he looks back up at Julie, her eyes are staring straight into his with an emotion of her own. 

‘Julie…’

‘It’s now or never, right?’

Luke nods, and she does the same, and now his palms are on her cheeks, thumb caressing the fine line of her jaw, and he draws in a slow breath. Julie’s gaze keeps flickering to his lips and he lets out a little laugh, saying, ‘You don’t have to be scared.’

‘I’m not.’

He smiles at the determination in her voice that’s laced with the distinctive tenderness that he feels when she sings; his heart soars again. He’s done this before, but he doesn’t think she has, and…

‘Are you sure?’ 

Julie nods, and from the way her lips stretch at the corners and from the shaky breath she lets out, he can tell she’s as amused as she is impatient, so he leans forward without hesitation until their lips are touching and his own are burning with Julie’s warmth, and he’s more alive than he was when he _was_ alive. 

_This,_ thinks Luke. _This._

It’s soft and it’s gentle and it’s everything Luke could’ve wanted their first kiss to be. It’s no more than a peck, but anything _more_ wouldn’t have been _enough._

When they part, Julie leans her forehead against his, just like she did that day with Flynn, all those weeks ago. Luke’s hands fall from her cheeks to her waist, and they’re sitting turned to one another, and it feels more intimate even that the kiss itself did. 

Luke’s kissed people before, but he’s never had anything quite like this. 

‘If I could write you a song,’ Julie says quietly, ‘I would.’

He laughs, a little, at the sadness in her voice. ‘Every song we write together will be a song for us,’ he tells her, and lets himself kiss the corner of her lips, lingering for just a moment. ‘That’s enough for me.’

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, i hope you enjoyed it! let me know what you thought, your favourite parts, scream at me if you want to (totally understandable tbh), and you can do that on [tumblr](https://unsaidjulie.tumblr.com), too!


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